40 weeks and nesting. :)

So, I am finally past that horrible exhaustion and onto some real nesting! Yesterday was my "expiration" date and I thought it cute that it was the first day of summer! In true Arizona style, it was also the first day of extreme heat. It only got to be about 105 here in Tempe (lol, I love how I say ONLY) and today is definitely hotter. Yesterday I took the Fiesta and got her cleaned and detailed. It's amazing how great you feel when your car is sparkling! I told Sy we are never letting her get to that nasty point again. We could blame it on the fact that we had a 7 year old being driven around in it, but let's be honest, we slacked on getting the car cleaned on Sunday like we had normally been doing the first few months we had it. Sy's comment to me when he opened up the hatch was, "wow, I haven't seen the car THIS clean in forever". He then asked me where all the stuff went and I told him in a bag on the dryer. I'm usually not one for moving stuff from one space to the other, I was just in a hurry and it definitely will be put away in it's proper spots. I also got a mani/pedi yesterday. The pedi was amazing and the guy got those horrible calluses off of my feet. They feel so much better! I definitely think I will be getting that done once a month. After that, I scheduled the car seat inspection (which I did today) and went grocery shopping. I didn't buy much, just some frozen meals and snacks (for labor and in general). I felt so accomplished yesterday and I think it's showing through. My attitude has changed and I'm definitely becoming more positive. I haven't been napping during the day the last couple days and my sleep at night has gotten better.

Today sparked a new conundrum with my poor husband. Whilst showering, I informed him (again) that I needed to take the car to get the car seat installed and inspected. He immediately started lecturing me on how I needed to bring the car back to him, ect. afterward because if I went into labor, I'd be screwed or something like that. I don't know...he's been so overly protective and afraid that if I have the car when I go into labor he'll be stranded and no one will be able to go get him to bring him to me...I digress. Well, I told him fine I'd do that but on one condition. I had to go get some more laundry detergent because we were almost out and I wanted to wash all the dirty laundry today so it was done. He gave me the "we're broke" line and I let it go. When I dropped him off, he gave me the card and told me no impulse buying. So I agreed and we went our separate ways. After the inspection I called him and he told me to just keep the car that he had to pound the pavement on his demo for work. I said fine and then headed to Babies R Us. While there, I picked up Eliza's outfits for her photos and then got a few items off the sales rack for her. I also picked up two more sleeper nursing bras and a couple of nighties for the hospital and home. I also picked up the window shade decals and was going to install them, but soon realized they were too big, so I'll have to have Sy trim them down and install them later.

After BBRUS, I headed to Wal-Mart and got some detergent and as I was in line, security stopped some kid and took him into the back. My heart always pounds when I see shoplifters get stopped. Not that I shoplift, I just know the laws and what it entails and I know it never is worth it! The ladies who stopped him were nice about it and didn't make a scene which was nice. Anyway, for any of you out there tempted to do it, DON'T! It's not worth it and it can ruin your life! This wasn't my lesson but one my mom and brother passed on information to me. I promise you, what you think you need, you probably only want.

OK, enough of the life lesson....so after getting rung up, I headed home and started cleaning. I got the fridge cleaned out and wiped down and the dishes done. I started on the counters and they're almost all the way finished, I just needed a rest. Laundry is going smoothly and I'm definitely NOT looking forward to putting it all away, but, I know I can do that while bouncing on the birth ball and watch tv. It's all piled on our bed, but that's OK, just more motivation to get it all done and over with before bed tonight. My goal is to get the kitchen totally organized and cleaned today. My goal for tomorrow mainly is focused on the living room (not a big deal because I've been maintaining it) and the bathrooms. All of it is coming together and I can't wait until it's finished.

Well, that's all for now, I'll keep you all posted!

Here we sit, no baby yet!

So Tuesday the 21st my little girl is due. I had an appointment today of which I received some news about her as well as a painful pelvic exam that showed little progress and put me in some pretty uncomfortable pain as my OB tried shoving his finger into the opening of my slightly opened cervix. The news I received was that baby girl was perfectly healthy and thriving AND engaged into my pelvis. Yay! O ya, AND that she weighed about 8 1/2 lbs. already..."uhm, can I talk to you over here for a minute??????" lolz. I was expecting a bouncing SMALL baby girl, but, hey, porkie is healthy and at least I know despite my minimal weight gain, she's managed to put on a good amount of weight. I go in next Friday for my 40 week exam of which I'm HOPING little girl decides she wants to make an appearance. I told my dad's girl friend that my body just likes holding onto babies THAT much...of which I then reminded her that my miscarriage back in August 2010 WAS a missed miscarriage after all. My Dr. was surprised by how much my pre-labor my body has been doing which was resulting in nada mucho in terms of dilation/effacement. Figures. My daughter is stubborn like me. However, when it came to being born, I was all to ready to exit my mom and make an appearance. I just barely made it into the delivery room before I peeked my little head out. I have a feeling Eliza is going to be like my brother Zach. Holding on to dear life WITHIN the womb. lol. When I told my hubby how much little one approximately weighs, he was all, "but I thought the Dr. told you baby would be smaller..." My comment was, "well, that was 2 months ago and a lot has obviously changed." Here's to hoping and praying that baby Eliza makes her debut sooner than later. My OB discusses induction at the 40 week appointment. I really wanna go into labor myself rather than be induced. However, I know that if I am induced, my cervix has already been ripening and that's good when it comes to applying Cervadil to it. Bah! Come on Eliza!

Exhaustion IS my nesting. lolz.

So here I sit, waiting to head off to the Dr.'s for my second weekly appointment. Tuesday I'll be 39 weeks and I just can't believe we've made it this far! As of late I have had no motivation to do anything and would rather just plop down in bed or on the couch and watch reruns of Medium on Netflix. In fact, that is exactly what I have been doing since Sunday. So, let's do a pregnancy symptoms check thus far:

Heartburn, increased need to pee, increased BMs, nausea, occasional vomiting, headaches, exhaustion, decreased appetite, pretty regular fetal movements, cravings, decreased sex drive, slight swelling in hands and face, and I think that about sums it up for now.

As for the things I cannot see or possibly feel, pelvic pressure, increased groin pain, hoping my cervix is continuing to dilate and efface, and stronger more intense contractions.

My husband is getting so excited and antsy it's cute. He's my motivator and I love him so much for it. I actually fought him on straightening up our bedroom until I just did it. Once I started, it felt good to get up and move. Yesterday he drug me out of the house to Ikea and it felt nice to just be out of the house and walk around. I know I swore I'd be floating in a pool but that hasn't happened. I still want to get the above ground pool, but, I don't know. Hubby seems unsure about it and I don't wanna stress him out. Anyway, I've gotta jet. Wish me luck and progress!

April

Tuesday I'll be 38 weeks

I can't believe she's almost here! Some days I'm just like, "get this baby out of me", other days, I feel like, "cook a little longer hunny". My Dr.'s appointment went pretty smooth. They were running behind because they got a new ultrasound machine (figures right when I don't need anymore!) and they were learning how to use it. However, when I got to see my OB we went over the usual, he told me I was measuring right on and that baby sounded good in there. I tested negative on my GBS (yay for not having to get IV antibiotics) and that I needed to do a TB test. I'm pretty sure I'm testing negative, but I have this nice little red mark. I think it's more bruising than reaction. I've been pretty tired lately and feel like the nesting instinct won't kick in. I have little spurts where I get a little anal retentive but nothing major. My two nieces are over until the early AM tomorrow. Their dad is getting out of jail so he'll be seeing them then. My mind is so fuzzy...I can't really focus. I just feel so off. Anyway, I'll update more later.

36 weeks today

Today we're 36 weeks. My Dr. appt. last week was same-old stuff but the OB did my GBS test and I won't have those results until next week when I go in. That will be my last bi-weekly appt. and from then on I'll be weekly. Time goes by so quickly and sometimes I'm just so unprepared for it. After my L&D experience I have less of a fear of what exactly to expect, so, I'm just kind of taking it day by day and liking the lax time I have. My niece wanted to go over to my dad's early, so I took her over last night. I still need to pack up her room but it's like, where do I find the motivation? My dad is coming over this weekend to paint the room, so, it will definitely need to be taken care of before Friday. I think if I dedicate one solid hour to it, it will get done in no time. The crib should be delivered next week and the same with the bedding. We still don't have a mattress, but, that we can get when the crib comes in. I pretty much have my initial cloth diaper stash set but I would like to get at least 12 more contours and maybe 6 more covers. It's all getting so real for me and my husband has been on this "you could go into labor any day now" kick that is cute and annoying at the same time. My dad has been the same way and I'm just, meh. I have a definite feeling I won't be having this baby in May, she'll definitely be a June bug. Now, whether I get to my EDD or not, that's another story. 4 more weeks until Eliza is scheduled to make her appearance. Part of me is ready for her to exit, the other is like, "stay put, I'm not ready for you yet". I'm supposed to travel with my brother this weekend to go pick up his dog. My silly hubby scheduled us to go to a birthday dinner with his mom and dad, and I'm really hoping I can do both, but in all reality, I had this set with my brother first. The drive is 13 hours one way and if we leave Friday night, we should make it back by Sunday if we just drive. I'm pretty sure it will be fine, but of course he and I need to work out the logistics of it. Anyway, that's pretty much all that's new besides feeling super huge and uncomfortable, lol.

Are we there yet?!

I hope not! I still have sooooo much to do! Argh! Tomorrow I'll be in my 35th week, so bananas! The last two weeks have been interesting. I've been having intermittent contractions, nothing hard-core. Then yesterday I started having spotting. Didn't last long, but it was enough to call the on-call physician about. He sent me to L&D due to the spotting and lack of movement. I was there maybe 45 mins. A nice change from past hospital visits. :) They did a urine test (normal), an NST (beautiful they said), and checked my cervix. Where I was only soft and starting to efface 2 weeks ago, I've began dilating, which is probably what caused the bleeding. I have 5 more weeks until my EDD, but I have a sneaking suspicion baby will make her appearance sooner. I definitely believe we will make it through May and she'll still be a little June bug. No worries there. They told me if I go into active labor now, they aren't going to stop it. That's scary and exciting all at once! Dear lord! Sy told me yesterday he wants to start packing bags. lol. We got our diaper bag...I'm so in love with it btw, and he wants it all sorted out yesterday. lol. Nesting has not kicked in yet, so, I'm not that motivated, but I have to still get paint picked out and we still need to look at ordering our furniture and pick up the last few items we'll need before Eliza makes her debut. My dad is going to really help us with the nursery, so I'm not really worried. We just need to get everything and he'll help us get it all done in a matter of a couple days. Sometimes I forget exactly how close we are to having our little baby. Some times I freak out and tell myself I can't do this but other days I am just so at peace. Being a mom is the most important decision I have ever had to make. It won't just be me or my husband anymore. A little life is going to grow and depend on us and that is power. Sometimes it freaks me out but I know it's all I have ever wanted and can't wait until she comes. My mom is silly and is convinced she's a boy, and that's all right. I just hope she forgives me when she realizes I've played along and she's been duped. haha. My dad is so cute...this will be his very first grandchild (by blood...one of his progeny's progeny). He loves my brother's kids (my dad is not his biological dad but raised him from the time he was 3) but my brother has done a lot of hurting in regards to those relationships and had often threw it in my dad's face that he was not really the girls' grandpa. So mean and malicious...anywho...at my cousin Michael's wedding, my dad kept introducing me to distant cousins and then he'd point to my belly and say, "and, you haven't met this one yet, but she'll be making a debut in June." So adorable. My husband's mom told him she wishes the baby will have my eyes (green hazel, my husband has chocolate brown ones) and my husband found that amusing. I'm getting to the point where family drama doesn't bother me anymore. My sister-in-law lied and said she never got the invite to the baby shower so she could be guilt-free about not going because her son just graduated and wanted to have a get-together the same day. Everyone is seeing through the act, but honestly, I just don't care. It's an amazing feeling. I would've been so heart-broken before because she pulled the same crap with my bridal shower. It's funny how it keeps happening. Anyway, as I said, no skin off my back...to make it better, I made it so the family got premium seats to her son's graduation. I got up at the butt-crack of dawn and reserved seats. Then, we reserved seats at the evening graduation because our nephew's girl friend (who was supposed to do it) was drunk and forgot. Whatever, I had no issue doing it! It just gave me this satisfaction that I helped make her son's day spectacular for her and my husband's brother. Karma is a witch and it'll catch up to her. I only wish them the best but I told Sy that I won't allow ugliness to linger into the life of our baby. He's behind that 100% and told me he doesn't think they will play an active role anyway, which is really sad. My husband has been an amazing uncle to his niece and nephew and I wish they would do the same for Eliza. I know that my family will pick up the slack and our child will no nothing but love! My brother is so excited (the one closest in age to me without kids) and is hoping she is a he soooo badly. He wants a nephew to take hunting and fishing and I reminded him that he could do the same with a niece and reminded him how I did all of those things with our dad that he so desperately wants to do with a nephew, haha. It's alright though...I know that penis or not, everyone is just going to adore my little girl like I already do! I even made amends with my brother's girl friend. Big step by the way... I was ready to write her off permanently and then just let it dissolve because I just don't care anymore! God is so great! Anyway, this is much longer than I was wanting it to be, it's just been a while since I've updated! lol.

It's almost over, or is it?

A lot has been going on lately. School is wrapping up (yay!) and I'm still contemplating summer school. I'd have about a month off before that starts, but still, do I really wanna do it? It's been getting super hot around here and I've been checking prices on above ground pools. I just need something to float in, but I suppose the public pool would work to. It's just such a hassle when I could have one in my back yard and just float without disruption. We'll see where we go with that, hubby is convinced they're dangerous, but my argument is that Chas won't be staying here after she's out of school. Today's the first day I've been swollen all day. I normally start out normal and gradually work up to swollen. It's so miserable! I'm looking forward to labor and birth and postpartum, but, I am definitely enjoying the me time I've been getting lately. My poor husband is so bogged down at work that he doesn't even come to bed until late anymore. I miss our snuggle time, but I know once we get some more just us time, we'll have the opportunity to. Mother's day is next Sunday and I'm really excited. Is it wrong to say I'll be disappointed if my husband fails? I don't want to think this way, but sometimes it's hard. My cousin is getting married tomorrow and that brings back such memories. I was so relieved when my wedding was over and it was all said and done. I like the married part better than the planning and getting married part. I know some women like being the princess for the day, but come on! Unless you are Kate Middleton, you have so much work you have to do and you know your fiancee is going to be no help. I think the only part of the royal wedding I envied was the fact that most of the decisions were already made for them, no stress except the kind that comes along with marrying into a royal family and then the pressure to pop out heirs. Oi. Anyway, I digress. Baby has been so squirmy lately and I love it! However, she sometimes kicks me in the bowel and let me tell you, it hurts like no other! At least I'm not constipated or believe me, I'd be having issues. haha. Well, I've gotta get going. Update soon.

31 weeks 1 day

OMG, I cannot even believe I'm going to be meeting my little girl so soon! Last night was the last night of our Bradley classes. It was sad but it just means we're that much closer to meeting our baby. Baby has definitely started dropping. I get these weird sensations all of a sudden that feel like I need to pee like NOW, however, when I try, nothing comes out or just a trickle. It isn't all of the time, so I think it's baby girl's head hitting my cervix/bladder. I've also had the worst bronchitis/asthma for the last week. I had a Dr. appt. scheduled yesterday but he couldn't make it there because he was delivering a baby. I had to reschedule to tomorrow, so, along with my first baby shower, I have class and an OB appt. Hopefully he can give me something better than my albuterol. It's kind of working, but I have to be attached to that inhaler or I risk having an attack. My poor husband wanted to put me on bed rest until it's gone, but, let's face it, that isn't happening. I've been cleaning all morning and my kitchen is almost done! Besides some organizing and cleaning in our bedroom and our back patio, it's almost done! When my niece moves out, we'll get Eliza's room done and I'll feel so much better about that room. She is the most disgusting little girl when it comes to her room. She's gotten better but man, I don't understand why she wants to live in a bedroom like that. My brother let dog poop and dirty diapers hang around her room before she moved in with me and I have a feeling that's why she doesn't care. I feel bad too that a lot of her stuff is still in boxes from moving from our other house. It seems silly to unpack it now just for her to go to my dad's house after school lets out. She understands as much as a 7 year old can, but she has been able to make the room her own while living here. She doesn't want to leave and it hurts my heart but I can't raise my brother's kid especially when he's interested in improving that situation. Only time will tell, but until then, I'm in nesting mode and will be working on the house up until baby comes. :)

April

Happiness

So, after a very disgusting fight with my mom last night (the claws definitely came out and it wasn't pretty) and discouraging news that the temporary guardianship that my brother gave to my husband and me is invalid because it was done improperly, I decided to reflect. *Sigh* Today in in my SWU 295 class, we discussed keeping the worker balanced and how to avoid burn-out. This discussion was very enlightening in that, I have sucky boundaries with my brother and my mom. On my drive home from school, I popped in a CD and pondered what it was that I really want in my life. The first thing that popped into my head was happiness. Then I reflected some more. Happiness was what I always asked for; even when I was little. It seems so simple, but always ends up being complicated. I then thought of the things in my life that make me happy. I figured it was always easy to come up with things that make me unhappy, why not try something different for once. In ten minutes, this was my list:

• When it rains in the desert (the smell, the sounds, all of the sensory details)
• Snuggling with my pets...it's so nice to pet them and cuddle
• Having spouse time with my husband. My favorite memory of this was when we made dinner together one night. It was so much fun.
• Watching Top Gear UK. I laugh so hard.
• Feeling my baby girl move within me...it's so undescribable
• Completing a particularly difficult and grueling piece of course work and doing a great job.
• GOD/Jesus (this is first on my list always, but for this sake, came to mind in this order)
• Dancing like no one is watching...it's so liberating
• Just hanging out with my best friend. We just get eachother.
• Laughing. I love to laugh. Enough said.
• The smell of dance shoes. It helps that my husband's brother owns a dance shop. I go there just for the smells. :)
• Traveling to new places and experiencing the food, culture, ect.

This was just my list in 10 mins. I was so surprised with the amount I was able to come up with. From now on, I'm taking my happiness in my own hands. As my husband said to me, "why lease space to someone in you brain that doesn't care about what they do to you?" He's such a brilliant man. So, everyone, I wish you all a happy life and a happy day!

Panic attack and foot in the mouth...

So, the weekend was filled with cleaning that still isn't finished. That's OK...I feel great about what we did accomplish. This morning we woke up a little late (for me it was only by 15 mins. for my husband, more like 45 mins.) and I didn't even notice he was still sawing logs because I was so busy making eggs and bagels for breakfast. lol. Once we got Chas to school and him to work, I drove to the tax man's office to drop off some paperwork that hubby forgot to get to him and came home. The calico cat and the dog greeted me joyfully at the door, but my little baby cat (who's almost 3 years old, lol) was no where to be found. So I searched for 35 mins. with no luck. I immediately went into panic mode and started freaking out thinking my niece let the cat out by accident. I ended up calling hubby and sobbing and he told me to calm down. Then after saying some things I regretted about my niece, I walked into the kitchen and went to pull a chair out from the table...it's heaviness gave Preston away and I felt like the biggest jerk. I was hoping I could just get off the phone and not have to pay the piper...hubby wouldn't let me off that easily and voiced to me how I can NEVER say those things to my niece, ect. ect. I assured him I never would and never have and that we should just let it go. He agreed and here I sit with a tense tummy and swollen eyeballs. LOL. Pregnancy hormones...gotta love 'em. So, the moral of this story is, the cat is probably not gone, just sleeping somewhere he doesn't want you to know and don't react before you know what really happened. O, and I told my hubby not to shut the bedroom door anymore...for my sanity...the animals all congregate in there to sleep during the day and when he shuts the door, stuff like this happens. He was worried I was blaming him, but I assured him I knew he only ever did it out of habit. *sigh* On other news...

Baby Eliza is growing PERFECT! Dr. appt. went really well. I don't have anemia or gestational diabetes and little girl grew and the Dr. was happy with all of that. We saw her via ultrasound again on Saturday and she gave us more face time than the last 3 sessions, which was wonderful! Life is great. :)

3rd Trimester! Yesssssssssssss!

So, my last post was at a low point, but I can proudly and officially say that train wreck girl friend has been officially ousted from my life! Yay! My brother took it surprisingly well I guess, but then again, that's only being stated from a post card. Anyway...

My 28 week appointment (well, I was 27 weeks and 2 days) was, uhm, well it was. I had the glucose test and I had to drink that awful glucola. Not that it tasted bad per say, it's just, I don't really eat super sweet things not to mention ever drink them. I had a pretty good breakfast of eggs and bacon that morning, but had to fast after I drank the glucola. Needless to say, I felt sick. So, I went to the appointment well hydrated and feeling under-fed hoping for continued good news. When I got in to be weighed, I found out I gained 4 more lbs. So, all in all, based on that appointment, I've gained a total of 8 lbs. Not too bad for someone eating a healthy diet with cheats every once in a while. Then the nurse took my bp, it was 120/70 which is really good. After that, I saw my OB and he looked at some little rashes I had developed and gave me advice on treatment of them, felt my little shoulder cyst and said no worries, then had me lay on the exam bench. First he measured my fundal height. Then he listened to baby girl's heart beat for what seemed like forever. When he helped me sit up, he told me I had to come back in in two weeks because I measured the same as over a month ago at my 20 week appointment. I was out of it, so I didn't think to ask about what it meant or if I should worry. I've kind of just let things takes it's course and my dad's GF (who's a nurse) told me to just take it easy, babies grow at their own pace and that she was sure everything was fine with Eliza. I'm eagerly awaiting next week's appointment because my husband even commented on how he thought I looked as if I was definitely growing.

On other news, I had a 4D ultra-sound done on baby girl...er, well, 3 of them because my little monkey has decided to turn into a sleeping lioness who enjoys face to spine time with mommy. haha. I have to go back when I'm 30 weeks to try one more time, which the tech said would probably work out better for us. However, I did manage to get a couple good shots of Eliza's face, and I'll go ahead and share them with you guys.

The first shot is pretty clear, notice those chubby cheeks! Haha, the second shot is a face shot as well, but she has her entire foot under her chin. You can see the heel starting on the left and her toes pointing to the right. God I am so in love with her. Anyway, thought I'd share!

When It's Hard To Deal With Stupid People and When You're Just Pregnant.

My brother. I love him. I hate him. I just wish he would get his life together. He tends to get involved with girls with emotional problems, and maybe that's just because they're the only ones willing to deal with a guy in and out of jail and two kids he doesn't take care of. The latest train wreck started out nice but has since managed to get completely under my skin and make my stress levels go through the roof. I feel like I have no one to talk to about all of this because my husband and my family all agree I should just boot her out of my life. Easy enough to say. Doing is a totally different thing. What makes all of this hard is that I have temporary custody of my 7 year old niece. My brother has delegated this girl to doing a lot of stuff for him while he is currently incarcerated. Unfortunately for me, that means that he deals with her more than he does with me (and its obviously limited because of his not being able to make calls, ect.) So, what do I do? She is the biggest headache in my life right now. I can handle pregnancy stressors like puking my breakfast up or tension headaches or even the occasional swelling of limbs. However, I don't know how to handle this curve ball. jfkajjgk aop; is all I can say. ...

My goodness, how time flies!

So, here I sit, nearly 26 weeks along in my pregnancy. I cannot even believe how fast this has gone by (not that I'm complaining). This coming week I'm on spring break from school--no niece, no homework. I'm really looking forward to cleaning my house, lounging around, and loving on my husband. This weekend we've really done nothing but just spend time with each other, which has been SO nice. I'm really starting to feel like this pregnancy is for real and I love that my belly is small and cute--not huge like my mom's whale pregnancies. Everyone keeps asking me when we'll try again, and I just keep saying to them, can't I just revel in the birth and existence of this one first? I don't know when we'll decide we want another one, at LEAST not until after graduate school. So, 2-3 years, which, I think sounds fantastic. I also want to think about a second baby when our house is built and we're living in it. I think being pregnant/having a second would make it much more difficult in that aspect. Anyway, on other news--getting a second 3D scan on Tuesday/Wednesday I think. This totally works out because I'll be 26 weeks and the baby will be much clearer and easier to see than during my 18 week scan. So exciting! Well, as the days come and go, I'll post when I can. Adios!

The month of February, happy and sad?

February seems to hold a lot of meaning for me since last year. I was married on the 27th and was supposed to be due to deliver my 1st dear baby girl on (EDD) the 25th. It seems so surreal that while I should be so excited and happy for not only my healthy pregnancy that's due in June, but also for my 1 year anniversary to the love of my life and Father to my babies. We buried Abigail in August and we visit her grave sometimes. She's buried on a hill in a Catholic cemetery that is specifically used for the unborn who were lost in utero. On the top of the hill, there's a beautiful alabaster stone statue of the Holy Family. At the time, I remember saying to myself how unfair it was that the statue depicts a complete family and my Husband and I had to leave the burial childless and incomplete. I know better now, but it was hard and bitter and I was ashamed that I had felt that way. Now I'm pregnant with Eliza and I am so excited to soon meet my little shaker and mover. She seems to have found a more comfortable place to rest right beneath my belly button. At least my bladder gets a small break from her dance moves.

I was with my friend Gretchen yesterday: we had gone to the mall and were shopping. We spent  time together because it was her birthday and we went into all of the expensive baby boutiques that sell all of the overly priced baby clothes that I love. I didn't end up buying anything, but rather walked around kind of there but not really. We even went into Barney's and I was telling Gretchen about how I had seen that Barney's sold Baby Juicy Couture, but before I could finish the sentence, "online only", she had asked the clerk where their baby section was. lol. Poor Gretchen....we then went into Pottery Barn Kids and looked at the bedding sets. I just didn't see anything that I loved enough to want...well, they did have this cute lamb mobile, haha. It was just nice to have gotten my walking for the day in while in good company. Then was my search for maternity shirts. We ended up at Target and after 20 mins. of nothing catching my eye, I bought the same shirt I had bought a few days ago, but in blue. lol. I love how pregnancy makes me even more indecisive than usual. O, and more clumsy. I ended up knocking a few books over in Papyrus over as well. Wood floors make too much noise, lol. Good thing the clerk was nice and funny. And, I loved Gretchen's response: "Just bill her Husband. O, and we were never here." lol.

So, I guess I am happy, I just feel bitter-sweet. I don't feel exuberant, just dry. In the back of my mind, I knew it was because I'd be passing my baby girl's due date by. I miss her just talking about it. I wonder how Husband and I will talk to Eliza about her big sister and why she couldn't be here. I know it will be difficult but I don't want her to be wiped out of memory just because we were blessed with another miracle.

On another note...I love how Lady Gaga's new single Born This Way came out on the day that President Mubarak of Egypt finally resigned from office. Today history was made, to me, it's even greater that this song came out as well. Freedom rings!

The flu sucks and pregnancy enhances it!

Good day everyone! The last 2 days have been torturous. I think I have the flu, but never can tell anymore what anything is! I was starting to feel so much better last night, and then BAM, in the middle of the night I kept waking up with diarrhea. Then, this morning I was trying to wake my Husband up and had to run to the bathroom to vomit. At least I can't complain about being left alone to just sleep. :) I feel bad for my Husband because, of course, this came at the worst time. Super bowl Sunday is THIS Sunday and he wanted to have people over. Now, normally, not an issue. However, we still have boxes EVERYWHERE!!!! lol. It's just a pain in my arse...I hate moving, but I hate unpacking more.

Anyway, so, that's my small update. Hubby and I go on the search for our doula soon and can't wait to start. Hopefully the flu bug will go away and give me some sleep at night so I can function during the day like a normal person...o wait, that's right...I'm pregnant! There really is no relief! lol. I digress. Well, until next time..

So, half-way there!

It's been a crazy 20 weeks and I can't believe I'm here already! I thought pregnancy would go by much slower than this! lolz. So, in honor of this huge mile-stone, I'm going to make a list of my likes and dislikes about being pregnant:

LIKES up to now:

*Feeling my little girl move and kick
*Getting to eat pretty much whenever I want
*Planning the nursery
*Picking out gear and baby stuff
*Going to my first child birth class (tonight!)
*Sharing the joy with my family
*Calling my Husband "Daddy" and he loves it!
*Getting to get out of hard labor (until baby comes, lol)
*Telling myself this is real and this one is actually going to be for keeps
*The huge smile I find on my face when I think about my little girl


DISLIKES up to now:
*Still getting bad morning sickness
*Tired ALL the time
*Pain in my vajayjay from my pelvis expanding
*My first EVER hemorrhoid (yikes!)
*My incredible sense of smell, ugh...
*Not being able to share in knowing baby is a she with my Husband
*That I can't sleep in when I would like to sleep ALL day!
*Losing weight instead of gaining (Dr. lectured me but said baby girl is healthy)
*Having intense nightmares about the loss of my little girl
*Not being able to clean the cat box and hating that Hubby slacks on it!
*Not being able to socially drink with friends or go dancing every once in a while (but it's so worth it!)

These are just a few things on lists of many for positive and negative things. I can't wait for the next 20 weeks to pass and have my little Eliza cooing up at me in my arms. I'm in bliss. :)

17 weeks 1 day

So, Christmas and New Years has arrived and gone and it's already the 12 of January! That means (officially) 12 more days until my anatomy scan on the 24th. I cannot believe how fast this pregnancy has been going and it's nice to savor the small moments like fetal movement or hearing the heart beat via doppler. Today I signed my Husband and myself up for our 12 week Bradley childbirth classes. I'm pretty excited and nervous and hope that this semester in school and these classes don't get me all buggy. It'll be nice to have 2-2.5 hours a week just me, Hubby, and baby. I'll have to figure out something for babysitting on Tuesday nights with Chas, but I don't think it'll be a big deal.

We're also going to hire the instructor (a woman from our church) as our doula. Not that I don't think my Husband is unqualified to accomplish being supportive, ect. I just think that the doula can help both of us have the best birth experience we can. I have family members who are against this idea, so I'm choosing not to tell them because it will only cause tension. As far as they need to know, we're going to support each other with no one in the L&D room. As far as I'm really concerned, if I had it my way, I wouldn't want anyone to come and visit until the day after the birth, but I know it'll really piss people off if I do that. Is it selfish that I want time for me and Hubby to be with our baby we worked so hard to make and birth? O the joys of having a baby...it's almost as bad as when we got married. I digress.

Well, making it to this milestone and still having a healthy baby thriving in my womb is enough for me to put a smile on my face. It's a good day. :)

We've reached 15 weeks! Yay!

I'm really enjoying being pregnant! Every morning my Husband talks to my belly and it's so cute! He asked me this morning if I was going to get headphones to play music for baby and I sarcastically told him, "absolutely! I'll be playing the best of Lady Gaga". He just stared at me, haha. Besides having the minor symptoms (nausea, headaches, insomnia, constipation, ect.) I really am enjoying the experience. My Husband asked me when we can have another (this one isn't even due until June!!!) and I laughed at him. I think he was kidding, but only partially. For right now, I want to space them out about 4 years. Who knows how I'll feel a year, two, three, ect, down the road, but, for now, that's what I want. In my family growing up, there were three of us all 2 years apart. I never felt like I was acknowledged that much (typical middle child) because the older brother was in trouble all the time and the younger one couldn't do any wrong. I just want my children to feel like individuals and to feel acknowledged. Anyway...

Then, on Christmas Eve, Mom tells me that her and my Step-Dad are going to buy our glider and crib. At first it was just the glider, but now it's the crib too. I'm not above having family help us, but, I do want to be able to say, this is the one I want. She apparently has her heart set on this one at KMart. #1 I'm not above KMart, but I've never seen the crib. #2, what if I don't like it? I'm sure I'll figure it out, but for now I said we'll see and I'd have to look at it. The set I want is at Target...I don't know if they do layaway there, o well.

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas!

So, we kind of resolved the grumblings among my Husband's brother and Sister-In-Law. The only bad taste I left with in my mouth was when we walked them to their car and all of a sudden my Husband's brother started talking angrily about my diamond engagement ring. The story I heard from my Mother-In-Law was that she bought the diamond in Israel for my Father-In-Law to put in a ring with the family's birthstones. He apparently never wore the ring and supposedly they decided to gift the diamond for my engagement ring, ect. The story I got from my brother-in-law was that the diamond was "ripped from his father's ring even though he didn't want to give it up and he felt so hurt that any of the jewelery his mother had given to his father was given back because she'd just take that too. He apparently cried for days". Now, at this point he turned on me and stated that "you young lady better take care of that ring because if you don't, ect. ect.". Needless to say, the only man in my life even allowed to call me "young lady" is my OWN dad. Not anyone else. I know he's the same age as my dad but seriously, I'M 26!!!! My dad doesn't even call me that anymore. I'm an adult woman who is married and is having a baby! Not his daughter! I was so taken aback by the scolding that I didn't know what to say or do and unleashed once in the confines of my car with my Husband. Anyway, I didn't say anything to his brother, but Lord knows I wanted to!

On to happy news! So we have our new house on hold for us and we're packing up the one we're in now. It wasn't really feeling like Christmas to me so I had told my Husband that I was sad we weren't putting up a tree, ect. So, Hubby said we could put up our tree as long as we had the house more than half way packed up and in storage, which we do! So, my nieces and I put the tree up this morning and hung our ornaments and it looks so pretty! I even got a cute ornament of a pregnant bear next to a Christmas tree hung with pacifiers and bottles with pickles and ice cream beneath it. Next to the bear is a book where we got to personalize it by putting baby names in it. It's so cute! I have soooo much wrapping to do it isn't funny, but I figure I'll try to get it done today when my brother picks up the girls for the day. My poor Husband has been clueless on what to get me so I had to make up a Christmas list for him of things I'd like or want. I felt 5 again which added to the excitement. lol. This is the first Christmas that I'm actually looking forward to in a long time. God I love being pregnant I love being married and I love having my niece living with us to make it feel more like family and Christmasy!!!!

I also believe Santa has brought me an early gift this year...for the last week I THINK I've been feeling baby moving inside my tummy. It feels like someone's tickling me in there and it's not all the time. Only when I'm laying on my tummy or stretching or after eating a large meal. I haven't told anyone except my Husband. It doesn't really surprise me because I am really tuned into my body, especially my reproductive stuff. My lower belly is already hard and rounded and it doesn't feel like bloating or fat. So, yeah, that's the latest. God I love Christmas and family and everything about this pregnancy (minus the morning sickness I still have and the urge to pee all the time and the heartburn). God is so good!

Has it really been that long?

Well, a lot has happened since my last post...I apologize for not keeping you guys updated...it's been crazy hectic on my little piece of Earth. *sigh* Anyway, baby is still happy and thriving in my tummy and has graduated to a peach! My EDD changed back to the 21st of June, so I'm 12 weeks 6 days today, and tomorrow I graduate to 2nd trimester, yay! Today I had an ultrasound appointment for my first trimester screening. This was optional, but I figured #1 it would give me a little peace of mind, and #2 I would get to see my baby again. So, baby's heart beat was 150, nice and strong. The sonographer kept saying how cute baby was and uncooperative he/she was being. She also stated baby was very active and would jump around all over...I couldn't help but laugh. I kept thinking..."wow, you're not a bean, you're a monkey". Does this spell trouble for me after birth? lol. I cannot even express the joy and happiness I feel getting to this milestone. I was so concerned with getting to 10 weeks I didn't even realize how good 13 weeks would feel. My belly is getting rounder and harder and I get nice ligament pains. Dr. said it's really early to be feeling stretching in my tummy, but I also pointed out to him I have a lot of scar tissue from the surgery the car accident at age 11 caused. At that he agreed and said it was probably the scar tissue that was causing the pain.

The first image is a full profile of my monkey and the second is he/she's beautiful little face. I think monkey's going to have my button nose, thank goodness, lol. Monkey also had their arm up on his/her forehead and for a minute I thought monkey was sucking their thumb. I'm so excited this baby is really happening, I can't even explain. Dad's partner's daughter is due 2 weeks after me, so we're experiencing the same things together. It's surreal how everyone I know either just had a baby or is pregnant right now. I told my Husband that I want an above ground pool to float in after the colder months disappear. He actually didn't say no, so I am glad he's not going to fight me on it. It's AZ for goodness sake! lol.

We're also moving within the next month...I'm not happy about it but at least with this new place the landlord agreed to let me paint/decorate one of the rooms for the nursery so I get to actually enjoy being pregnant a little bit more! Yay! We've also had some family issues go on in my Husband's family...some of it has to do with baby...I feel really hurt and angry at it, however, at the same time, I realize my Husband's Mom and Dad are at the root of the troubles. We're supposed to iron out things on Friday...didn't really give Husband a choice. I just want everyone to be as happy as I am about this little miracle and not bring him/her into a hostile environment. I want the baby to know and love their Aunt and Uncle and to really enjoy a happy existence. However, I believe time heals all wounds and if Hubby and I stay proactive and really make a point to stay positive, all will be well and then everyone can enjoy baby!

Well, just wanted to share, hope everyone has a blessed Christmas/Holiday and hope the new year brings great things!