The month of February, happy and sad?

February seems to hold a lot of meaning for me since last year. I was married on the 27th and was supposed to be due to deliver my 1st dear baby girl on (EDD) the 25th. It seems so surreal that while I should be so excited and happy for not only my healthy pregnancy that's due in June, but also for my 1 year anniversary to the love of my life and Father to my babies. We buried Abigail in August and we visit her grave sometimes. She's buried on a hill in a Catholic cemetery that is specifically used for the unborn who were lost in utero. On the top of the hill, there's a beautiful alabaster stone statue of the Holy Family. At the time, I remember saying to myself how unfair it was that the statue depicts a complete family and my Husband and I had to leave the burial childless and incomplete. I know better now, but it was hard and bitter and I was ashamed that I had felt that way. Now I'm pregnant with Eliza and I am so excited to soon meet my little shaker and mover. She seems to have found a more comfortable place to rest right beneath my belly button. At least my bladder gets a small break from her dance moves.

I was with my friend Gretchen yesterday: we had gone to the mall and were shopping. We spent  time together because it was her birthday and we went into all of the expensive baby boutiques that sell all of the overly priced baby clothes that I love. I didn't end up buying anything, but rather walked around kind of there but not really. We even went into Barney's and I was telling Gretchen about how I had seen that Barney's sold Baby Juicy Couture, but before I could finish the sentence, "online only", she had asked the clerk where their baby section was. lol. Poor Gretchen....we then went into Pottery Barn Kids and looked at the bedding sets. I just didn't see anything that I loved enough to want...well, they did have this cute lamb mobile, haha. It was just nice to have gotten my walking for the day in while in good company. Then was my search for maternity shirts. We ended up at Target and after 20 mins. of nothing catching my eye, I bought the same shirt I had bought a few days ago, but in blue. lol. I love how pregnancy makes me even more indecisive than usual. O, and more clumsy. I ended up knocking a few books over in Papyrus over as well. Wood floors make too much noise, lol. Good thing the clerk was nice and funny. And, I loved Gretchen's response: "Just bill her Husband. O, and we were never here." lol.

So, I guess I am happy, I just feel bitter-sweet. I don't feel exuberant, just dry. In the back of my mind, I knew it was because I'd be passing my baby girl's due date by. I miss her just talking about it. I wonder how Husband and I will talk to Eliza about her big sister and why she couldn't be here. I know it will be difficult but I don't want her to be wiped out of memory just because we were blessed with another miracle.

On another note...I love how Lady Gaga's new single Born This Way came out on the day that President Mubarak of Egypt finally resigned from office. Today history was made, to me, it's even greater that this song came out as well. Freedom rings!

The flu sucks and pregnancy enhances it!

Good day everyone! The last 2 days have been torturous. I think I have the flu, but never can tell anymore what anything is! I was starting to feel so much better last night, and then BAM, in the middle of the night I kept waking up with diarrhea. Then, this morning I was trying to wake my Husband up and had to run to the bathroom to vomit. At least I can't complain about being left alone to just sleep. :) I feel bad for my Husband because, of course, this came at the worst time. Super bowl Sunday is THIS Sunday and he wanted to have people over. Now, normally, not an issue. However, we still have boxes EVERYWHERE!!!! lol. It's just a pain in my arse...I hate moving, but I hate unpacking more.

Anyway, so, that's my small update. Hubby and I go on the search for our doula soon and can't wait to start. Hopefully the flu bug will go away and give me some sleep at night so I can function during the day like a normal person...o wait, that's right...I'm pregnant! There really is no relief! lol. I digress. Well, until next time..

So, half-way there!

It's been a crazy 20 weeks and I can't believe I'm here already! I thought pregnancy would go by much slower than this! lolz. So, in honor of this huge mile-stone, I'm going to make a list of my likes and dislikes about being pregnant:

LIKES up to now:

*Feeling my little girl move and kick
*Getting to eat pretty much whenever I want
*Planning the nursery
*Picking out gear and baby stuff
*Going to my first child birth class (tonight!)
*Sharing the joy with my family
*Calling my Husband "Daddy" and he loves it!
*Getting to get out of hard labor (until baby comes, lol)
*Telling myself this is real and this one is actually going to be for keeps
*The huge smile I find on my face when I think about my little girl


DISLIKES up to now:
*Still getting bad morning sickness
*Tired ALL the time
*Pain in my vajayjay from my pelvis expanding
*My first EVER hemorrhoid (yikes!)
*My incredible sense of smell, ugh...
*Not being able to share in knowing baby is a she with my Husband
*That I can't sleep in when I would like to sleep ALL day!
*Losing weight instead of gaining (Dr. lectured me but said baby girl is healthy)
*Having intense nightmares about the loss of my little girl
*Not being able to clean the cat box and hating that Hubby slacks on it!
*Not being able to socially drink with friends or go dancing every once in a while (but it's so worth it!)

These are just a few things on lists of many for positive and negative things. I can't wait for the next 20 weeks to pass and have my little Eliza cooing up at me in my arms. I'm in bliss. :)

17 weeks 1 day

So, Christmas and New Years has arrived and gone and it's already the 12 of January! That means (officially) 12 more days until my anatomy scan on the 24th. I cannot believe how fast this pregnancy has been going and it's nice to savor the small moments like fetal movement or hearing the heart beat via doppler. Today I signed my Husband and myself up for our 12 week Bradley childbirth classes. I'm pretty excited and nervous and hope that this semester in school and these classes don't get me all buggy. It'll be nice to have 2-2.5 hours a week just me, Hubby, and baby. I'll have to figure out something for babysitting on Tuesday nights with Chas, but I don't think it'll be a big deal.

We're also going to hire the instructor (a woman from our church) as our doula. Not that I don't think my Husband is unqualified to accomplish being supportive, ect. I just think that the doula can help both of us have the best birth experience we can. I have family members who are against this idea, so I'm choosing not to tell them because it will only cause tension. As far as they need to know, we're going to support each other with no one in the L&D room. As far as I'm really concerned, if I had it my way, I wouldn't want anyone to come and visit until the day after the birth, but I know it'll really piss people off if I do that. Is it selfish that I want time for me and Hubby to be with our baby we worked so hard to make and birth? O the joys of having a baby...it's almost as bad as when we got married. I digress.

Well, making it to this milestone and still having a healthy baby thriving in my womb is enough for me to put a smile on my face. It's a good day. :)

We've reached 15 weeks! Yay!

I'm really enjoying being pregnant! Every morning my Husband talks to my belly and it's so cute! He asked me this morning if I was going to get headphones to play music for baby and I sarcastically told him, "absolutely! I'll be playing the best of Lady Gaga". He just stared at me, haha. Besides having the minor symptoms (nausea, headaches, insomnia, constipation, ect.) I really am enjoying the experience. My Husband asked me when we can have another (this one isn't even due until June!!!) and I laughed at him. I think he was kidding, but only partially. For right now, I want to space them out about 4 years. Who knows how I'll feel a year, two, three, ect, down the road, but, for now, that's what I want. In my family growing up, there were three of us all 2 years apart. I never felt like I was acknowledged that much (typical middle child) because the older brother was in trouble all the time and the younger one couldn't do any wrong. I just want my children to feel like individuals and to feel acknowledged. Anyway...

Then, on Christmas Eve, Mom tells me that her and my Step-Dad are going to buy our glider and crib. At first it was just the glider, but now it's the crib too. I'm not above having family help us, but, I do want to be able to say, this is the one I want. She apparently has her heart set on this one at KMart. #1 I'm not above KMart, but I've never seen the crib. #2, what if I don't like it? I'm sure I'll figure it out, but for now I said we'll see and I'd have to look at it. The set I want is at Target...I don't know if they do layaway there, o well.

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas!

So, we kind of resolved the grumblings among my Husband's brother and Sister-In-Law. The only bad taste I left with in my mouth was when we walked them to their car and all of a sudden my Husband's brother started talking angrily about my diamond engagement ring. The story I heard from my Mother-In-Law was that she bought the diamond in Israel for my Father-In-Law to put in a ring with the family's birthstones. He apparently never wore the ring and supposedly they decided to gift the diamond for my engagement ring, ect. The story I got from my brother-in-law was that the diamond was "ripped from his father's ring even though he didn't want to give it up and he felt so hurt that any of the jewelery his mother had given to his father was given back because she'd just take that too. He apparently cried for days". Now, at this point he turned on me and stated that "you young lady better take care of that ring because if you don't, ect. ect.". Needless to say, the only man in my life even allowed to call me "young lady" is my OWN dad. Not anyone else. I know he's the same age as my dad but seriously, I'M 26!!!! My dad doesn't even call me that anymore. I'm an adult woman who is married and is having a baby! Not his daughter! I was so taken aback by the scolding that I didn't know what to say or do and unleashed once in the confines of my car with my Husband. Anyway, I didn't say anything to his brother, but Lord knows I wanted to!

On to happy news! So we have our new house on hold for us and we're packing up the one we're in now. It wasn't really feeling like Christmas to me so I had told my Husband that I was sad we weren't putting up a tree, ect. So, Hubby said we could put up our tree as long as we had the house more than half way packed up and in storage, which we do! So, my nieces and I put the tree up this morning and hung our ornaments and it looks so pretty! I even got a cute ornament of a pregnant bear next to a Christmas tree hung with pacifiers and bottles with pickles and ice cream beneath it. Next to the bear is a book where we got to personalize it by putting baby names in it. It's so cute! I have soooo much wrapping to do it isn't funny, but I figure I'll try to get it done today when my brother picks up the girls for the day. My poor Husband has been clueless on what to get me so I had to make up a Christmas list for him of things I'd like or want. I felt 5 again which added to the excitement. lol. This is the first Christmas that I'm actually looking forward to in a long time. God I love being pregnant I love being married and I love having my niece living with us to make it feel more like family and Christmasy!!!!

I also believe Santa has brought me an early gift this year...for the last week I THINK I've been feeling baby moving inside my tummy. It feels like someone's tickling me in there and it's not all the time. Only when I'm laying on my tummy or stretching or after eating a large meal. I haven't told anyone except my Husband. It doesn't really surprise me because I am really tuned into my body, especially my reproductive stuff. My lower belly is already hard and rounded and it doesn't feel like bloating or fat. So, yeah, that's the latest. God I love Christmas and family and everything about this pregnancy (minus the morning sickness I still have and the urge to pee all the time and the heartburn). God is so good!

Has it really been that long?

Well, a lot has happened since my last post...I apologize for not keeping you guys updated...it's been crazy hectic on my little piece of Earth. *sigh* Anyway, baby is still happy and thriving in my tummy and has graduated to a peach! My EDD changed back to the 21st of June, so I'm 12 weeks 6 days today, and tomorrow I graduate to 2nd trimester, yay! Today I had an ultrasound appointment for my first trimester screening. This was optional, but I figured #1 it would give me a little peace of mind, and #2 I would get to see my baby again. So, baby's heart beat was 150, nice and strong. The sonographer kept saying how cute baby was and uncooperative he/she was being. She also stated baby was very active and would jump around all over...I couldn't help but laugh. I kept thinking..."wow, you're not a bean, you're a monkey". Does this spell trouble for me after birth? lol. I cannot even express the joy and happiness I feel getting to this milestone. I was so concerned with getting to 10 weeks I didn't even realize how good 13 weeks would feel. My belly is getting rounder and harder and I get nice ligament pains. Dr. said it's really early to be feeling stretching in my tummy, but I also pointed out to him I have a lot of scar tissue from the surgery the car accident at age 11 caused. At that he agreed and said it was probably the scar tissue that was causing the pain.

The first image is a full profile of my monkey and the second is he/she's beautiful little face. I think monkey's going to have my button nose, thank goodness, lol. Monkey also had their arm up on his/her forehead and for a minute I thought monkey was sucking their thumb. I'm so excited this baby is really happening, I can't even explain. Dad's partner's daughter is due 2 weeks after me, so we're experiencing the same things together. It's surreal how everyone I know either just had a baby or is pregnant right now. I told my Husband that I want an above ground pool to float in after the colder months disappear. He actually didn't say no, so I am glad he's not going to fight me on it. It's AZ for goodness sake! lol.

We're also moving within the next month...I'm not happy about it but at least with this new place the landlord agreed to let me paint/decorate one of the rooms for the nursery so I get to actually enjoy being pregnant a little bit more! Yay! We've also had some family issues go on in my Husband's family...some of it has to do with baby...I feel really hurt and angry at it, however, at the same time, I realize my Husband's Mom and Dad are at the root of the troubles. We're supposed to iron out things on Friday...didn't really give Husband a choice. I just want everyone to be as happy as I am about this little miracle and not bring him/her into a hostile environment. I want the baby to know and love their Aunt and Uncle and to really enjoy a happy existence. However, I believe time heals all wounds and if Hubby and I stay proactive and really make a point to stay positive, all will be well and then everyone can enjoy baby!

Well, just wanted to share, hope everyone has a blessed Christmas/Holiday and hope the new year brings great things!