Tuesday I'll be 38 weeks

I can't believe she's almost here! Some days I'm just like, "get this baby out of me", other days, I feel like, "cook a little longer hunny". My Dr.'s appointment went pretty smooth. They were running behind because they got a new ultrasound machine (figures right when I don't need anymore!) and they were learning how to use it. However, when I got to see my OB we went over the usual, he told me I was measuring right on and that baby sounded good in there. I tested negative on my GBS (yay for not having to get IV antibiotics) and that I needed to do a TB test. I'm pretty sure I'm testing negative, but I have this nice little red mark. I think it's more bruising than reaction. I've been pretty tired lately and feel like the nesting instinct won't kick in. I have little spurts where I get a little anal retentive but nothing major. My two nieces are over until the early AM tomorrow. Their dad is getting out of jail so he'll be seeing them then. My mind is so fuzzy...I can't really focus. I just feel so off. Anyway, I'll update more later.

36 weeks today

Today we're 36 weeks. My Dr. appt. last week was same-old stuff but the OB did my GBS test and I won't have those results until next week when I go in. That will be my last bi-weekly appt. and from then on I'll be weekly. Time goes by so quickly and sometimes I'm just so unprepared for it. After my L&D experience I have less of a fear of what exactly to expect, so, I'm just kind of taking it day by day and liking the lax time I have. My niece wanted to go over to my dad's early, so I took her over last night. I still need to pack up her room but it's like, where do I find the motivation? My dad is coming over this weekend to paint the room, so, it will definitely need to be taken care of before Friday. I think if I dedicate one solid hour to it, it will get done in no time. The crib should be delivered next week and the same with the bedding. We still don't have a mattress, but, that we can get when the crib comes in. I pretty much have my initial cloth diaper stash set but I would like to get at least 12 more contours and maybe 6 more covers. It's all getting so real for me and my husband has been on this "you could go into labor any day now" kick that is cute and annoying at the same time. My dad has been the same way and I'm just, meh. I have a definite feeling I won't be having this baby in May, she'll definitely be a June bug. Now, whether I get to my EDD or not, that's another story. 4 more weeks until Eliza is scheduled to make her appearance. Part of me is ready for her to exit, the other is like, "stay put, I'm not ready for you yet". I'm supposed to travel with my brother this weekend to go pick up his dog. My silly hubby scheduled us to go to a birthday dinner with his mom and dad, and I'm really hoping I can do both, but in all reality, I had this set with my brother first. The drive is 13 hours one way and if we leave Friday night, we should make it back by Sunday if we just drive. I'm pretty sure it will be fine, but of course he and I need to work out the logistics of it. Anyway, that's pretty much all that's new besides feeling super huge and uncomfortable, lol.

Are we there yet?!

I hope not! I still have sooooo much to do! Argh! Tomorrow I'll be in my 35th week, so bananas! The last two weeks have been interesting. I've been having intermittent contractions, nothing hard-core. Then yesterday I started having spotting. Didn't last long, but it was enough to call the on-call physician about. He sent me to L&D due to the spotting and lack of movement. I was there maybe 45 mins. A nice change from past hospital visits. :) They did a urine test (normal), an NST (beautiful they said), and checked my cervix. Where I was only soft and starting to efface 2 weeks ago, I've began dilating, which is probably what caused the bleeding. I have 5 more weeks until my EDD, but I have a sneaking suspicion baby will make her appearance sooner. I definitely believe we will make it through May and she'll still be a little June bug. No worries there. They told me if I go into active labor now, they aren't going to stop it. That's scary and exciting all at once! Dear lord! Sy told me yesterday he wants to start packing bags. lol. We got our diaper bag...I'm so in love with it btw, and he wants it all sorted out yesterday. lol. Nesting has not kicked in yet, so, I'm not that motivated, but I have to still get paint picked out and we still need to look at ordering our furniture and pick up the last few items we'll need before Eliza makes her debut. My dad is going to really help us with the nursery, so I'm not really worried. We just need to get everything and he'll help us get it all done in a matter of a couple days. Sometimes I forget exactly how close we are to having our little baby. Some times I freak out and tell myself I can't do this but other days I am just so at peace. Being a mom is the most important decision I have ever had to make. It won't just be me or my husband anymore. A little life is going to grow and depend on us and that is power. Sometimes it freaks me out but I know it's all I have ever wanted and can't wait until she comes. My mom is silly and is convinced she's a boy, and that's all right. I just hope she forgives me when she realizes I've played along and she's been duped. haha. My dad is so cute...this will be his very first grandchild (by blood...one of his progeny's progeny). He loves my brother's kids (my dad is not his biological dad but raised him from the time he was 3) but my brother has done a lot of hurting in regards to those relationships and had often threw it in my dad's face that he was not really the girls' grandpa. So mean and malicious...anywho...at my cousin Michael's wedding, my dad kept introducing me to distant cousins and then he'd point to my belly and say, "and, you haven't met this one yet, but she'll be making a debut in June." So adorable. My husband's mom told him she wishes the baby will have my eyes (green hazel, my husband has chocolate brown ones) and my husband found that amusing. I'm getting to the point where family drama doesn't bother me anymore. My sister-in-law lied and said she never got the invite to the baby shower so she could be guilt-free about not going because her son just graduated and wanted to have a get-together the same day. Everyone is seeing through the act, but honestly, I just don't care. It's an amazing feeling. I would've been so heart-broken before because she pulled the same crap with my bridal shower. It's funny how it keeps happening. Anyway, as I said, no skin off my back...to make it better, I made it so the family got premium seats to her son's graduation. I got up at the butt-crack of dawn and reserved seats. Then, we reserved seats at the evening graduation because our nephew's girl friend (who was supposed to do it) was drunk and forgot. Whatever, I had no issue doing it! It just gave me this satisfaction that I helped make her son's day spectacular for her and my husband's brother. Karma is a witch and it'll catch up to her. I only wish them the best but I told Sy that I won't allow ugliness to linger into the life of our baby. He's behind that 100% and told me he doesn't think they will play an active role anyway, which is really sad. My husband has been an amazing uncle to his niece and nephew and I wish they would do the same for Eliza. I know that my family will pick up the slack and our child will no nothing but love! My brother is so excited (the one closest in age to me without kids) and is hoping she is a he soooo badly. He wants a nephew to take hunting and fishing and I reminded him that he could do the same with a niece and reminded him how I did all of those things with our dad that he so desperately wants to do with a nephew, haha. It's alright though...I know that penis or not, everyone is just going to adore my little girl like I already do! I even made amends with my brother's girl friend. Big step by the way... I was ready to write her off permanently and then just let it dissolve because I just don't care anymore! God is so great! Anyway, this is much longer than I was wanting it to be, it's just been a while since I've updated! lol.

It's almost over, or is it?

A lot has been going on lately. School is wrapping up (yay!) and I'm still contemplating summer school. I'd have about a month off before that starts, but still, do I really wanna do it? It's been getting super hot around here and I've been checking prices on above ground pools. I just need something to float in, but I suppose the public pool would work to. It's just such a hassle when I could have one in my back yard and just float without disruption. We'll see where we go with that, hubby is convinced they're dangerous, but my argument is that Chas won't be staying here after she's out of school. Today's the first day I've been swollen all day. I normally start out normal and gradually work up to swollen. It's so miserable! I'm looking forward to labor and birth and postpartum, but, I am definitely enjoying the me time I've been getting lately. My poor husband is so bogged down at work that he doesn't even come to bed until late anymore. I miss our snuggle time, but I know once we get some more just us time, we'll have the opportunity to. Mother's day is next Sunday and I'm really excited. Is it wrong to say I'll be disappointed if my husband fails? I don't want to think this way, but sometimes it's hard. My cousin is getting married tomorrow and that brings back such memories. I was so relieved when my wedding was over and it was all said and done. I like the married part better than the planning and getting married part. I know some women like being the princess for the day, but come on! Unless you are Kate Middleton, you have so much work you have to do and you know your fiancee is going to be no help. I think the only part of the royal wedding I envied was the fact that most of the decisions were already made for them, no stress except the kind that comes along with marrying into a royal family and then the pressure to pop out heirs. Oi. Anyway, I digress. Baby has been so squirmy lately and I love it! However, she sometimes kicks me in the bowel and let me tell you, it hurts like no other! At least I'm not constipated or believe me, I'd be having issues. haha. Well, I've gotta get going. Update soon.

31 weeks 1 day

OMG, I cannot even believe I'm going to be meeting my little girl so soon! Last night was the last night of our Bradley classes. It was sad but it just means we're that much closer to meeting our baby. Baby has definitely started dropping. I get these weird sensations all of a sudden that feel like I need to pee like NOW, however, when I try, nothing comes out or just a trickle. It isn't all of the time, so I think it's baby girl's head hitting my cervix/bladder. I've also had the worst bronchitis/asthma for the last week. I had a Dr. appt. scheduled yesterday but he couldn't make it there because he was delivering a baby. I had to reschedule to tomorrow, so, along with my first baby shower, I have class and an OB appt. Hopefully he can give me something better than my albuterol. It's kind of working, but I have to be attached to that inhaler or I risk having an attack. My poor husband wanted to put me on bed rest until it's gone, but, let's face it, that isn't happening. I've been cleaning all morning and my kitchen is almost done! Besides some organizing and cleaning in our bedroom and our back patio, it's almost done! When my niece moves out, we'll get Eliza's room done and I'll feel so much better about that room. She is the most disgusting little girl when it comes to her room. She's gotten better but man, I don't understand why she wants to live in a bedroom like that. My brother let dog poop and dirty diapers hang around her room before she moved in with me and I have a feeling that's why she doesn't care. I feel bad too that a lot of her stuff is still in boxes from moving from our other house. It seems silly to unpack it now just for her to go to my dad's house after school lets out. She understands as much as a 7 year old can, but she has been able to make the room her own while living here. She doesn't want to leave and it hurts my heart but I can't raise my brother's kid especially when he's interested in improving that situation. Only time will tell, but until then, I'm in nesting mode and will be working on the house up until baby comes. :)

April

Happiness

So, after a very disgusting fight with my mom last night (the claws definitely came out and it wasn't pretty) and discouraging news that the temporary guardianship that my brother gave to my husband and me is invalid because it was done improperly, I decided to reflect. *Sigh* Today in in my SWU 295 class, we discussed keeping the worker balanced and how to avoid burn-out. This discussion was very enlightening in that, I have sucky boundaries with my brother and my mom. On my drive home from school, I popped in a CD and pondered what it was that I really want in my life. The first thing that popped into my head was happiness. Then I reflected some more. Happiness was what I always asked for; even when I was little. It seems so simple, but always ends up being complicated. I then thought of the things in my life that make me happy. I figured it was always easy to come up with things that make me unhappy, why not try something different for once. In ten minutes, this was my list:

• When it rains in the desert (the smell, the sounds, all of the sensory details)
• Snuggling with my pets...it's so nice to pet them and cuddle
• Having spouse time with my husband. My favorite memory of this was when we made dinner together one night. It was so much fun.
• Watching Top Gear UK. I laugh so hard.
• Feeling my baby girl move within me...it's so undescribable
• Completing a particularly difficult and grueling piece of course work and doing a great job.
• GOD/Jesus (this is first on my list always, but for this sake, came to mind in this order)
• Dancing like no one is watching...it's so liberating
• Just hanging out with my best friend. We just get eachother.
• Laughing. I love to laugh. Enough said.
• The smell of dance shoes. It helps that my husband's brother owns a dance shop. I go there just for the smells. :)
• Traveling to new places and experiencing the food, culture, ect.

This was just my list in 10 mins. I was so surprised with the amount I was able to come up with. From now on, I'm taking my happiness in my own hands. As my husband said to me, "why lease space to someone in you brain that doesn't care about what they do to you?" He's such a brilliant man. So, everyone, I wish you all a happy life and a happy day!

Panic attack and foot in the mouth...

So, the weekend was filled with cleaning that still isn't finished. That's OK...I feel great about what we did accomplish. This morning we woke up a little late (for me it was only by 15 mins. for my husband, more like 45 mins.) and I didn't even notice he was still sawing logs because I was so busy making eggs and bagels for breakfast. lol. Once we got Chas to school and him to work, I drove to the tax man's office to drop off some paperwork that hubby forgot to get to him and came home. The calico cat and the dog greeted me joyfully at the door, but my little baby cat (who's almost 3 years old, lol) was no where to be found. So I searched for 35 mins. with no luck. I immediately went into panic mode and started freaking out thinking my niece let the cat out by accident. I ended up calling hubby and sobbing and he told me to calm down. Then after saying some things I regretted about my niece, I walked into the kitchen and went to pull a chair out from the table...it's heaviness gave Preston away and I felt like the biggest jerk. I was hoping I could just get off the phone and not have to pay the piper...hubby wouldn't let me off that easily and voiced to me how I can NEVER say those things to my niece, ect. ect. I assured him I never would and never have and that we should just let it go. He agreed and here I sit with a tense tummy and swollen eyeballs. LOL. Pregnancy hormones...gotta love 'em. So, the moral of this story is, the cat is probably not gone, just sleeping somewhere he doesn't want you to know and don't react before you know what really happened. O, and I told my hubby not to shut the bedroom door anymore...for my sanity...the animals all congregate in there to sleep during the day and when he shuts the door, stuff like this happens. He was worried I was blaming him, but I assured him I knew he only ever did it out of habit. *sigh* On other news...

Baby Eliza is growing PERFECT! Dr. appt. went really well. I don't have anemia or gestational diabetes and little girl grew and the Dr. was happy with all of that. We saw her via ultrasound again on Saturday and she gave us more face time than the last 3 sessions, which was wonderful! Life is great. :)